If You Got it Flaunt it: and I got it!

The Princess and the Frog.

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 00:41:19 GMT

Well, today I saw the long waited, anticipated, first Black Princess movie; and it wasn't bad. I liked it. The story revolved around a young woman named Tiana who's dream in life is to have her own restaraunt; a dream her and her father shared. It is set in Louisana, probably in the 1920s. Because I don't feel like giving an entire summary of the movie, Imma just jump to my opinions of it. I liked it, didn't love it and probably would not buy it with my own money. If someone gave it to me as a gift I wouldn't turn away from it. It's definately not better than ANY of the previous Disney Princess movies; it's more like a step down from them. Like if The LIttle Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast are Full Prices then this movie was a Matinee. I found it be cute but slightly predictable. If anything saved this movie it was the villian. The villian alone could have had it's own movie cause he was really good; they called the Shadow Man. My only complaint about him is that I wish he had a little more air time and was a little more evil. I wasn't entirely sure of his intentions . I liked that fact that his sidekick was his shadow and that for once he villian was working for villians even larger then himself which is entirely new. For the whole black princess thing- I honestly believe that any race could have been in this movie except for maybe the fact that she was poor and always "worked for everything she ever had." BUt at the same time, her skin tone mattered little because she wasn't overly black either. She had the Louisiana accent which I liked alot and EVERY character had some form of an accent. Actually, I would probably say that this is the first Disney film I can think of where different characters had different accents. And also where everyone lived in a familiar place. Normally, the setting of the place is completely unknown. Things I didn't like about the movie: I didn't like that the father death or caue of death is not explained. They say many times in the film that he died but of what is not clear. My only interpretation would be that he died from the stress of working or something like that. Another thing I didn't like was how predictable some of the jokes were. Maybe because I'm older and have seen alot of cartoons because not much of the jokes were that original to me or were cliche. I didn't really like the fact that the Prince was a player and had been with alot of women but found it so easy to fall in love with Tiana. In my opinion, a player's old habits die hard even if he does fall in love-but since it's a Disney movie they couldn't have too much of that. PErsonally, if he was more like Miroku when it came to being a player and falling love it would be so much more realistic. What did I think of the music? I liked it- might download a song or two but probably not the whole thing. I liked the song Almost There and Are You Ready. Those were good and it's been a while since I've seen a animation musical. Felt nice. My only complaint to the music was that sometimes I couldnt hear the words because the instrumentals were so loud so I assume that either the words didn't rhyme/make sense or that it was just a mistake. I dunno. Death of a character: I haven't seen that in a Disney film in a while. That firefly that died didn't leave that much of an impact on me. They so lightly brushed his death that I thought they would play the whole "comes back to life" trick. Surprisingly, they didn't. He did actually die and they had a little funeral. Funerals aren't usually in a Disney film, even when they do die.

Disses to B.

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 07:56:50 GMT

littlemissfielder: She should get dick on a platter EVERYDAY.
wisdom bias: yup cause both there houses be empty
littlemissfielder: LUCKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
wisdom bias: said the same thing
littlemissfielder: She deserves the silver platter then lol
wisdom bias: i know dick sitting waiting for u
wisdom bias: and ur mom is ok with it
littlemissfielder: lol!
littlemissfielder: heck yea man
littlemissfielder: I would have to switch bodies with someone for that to happen to me
wisdom bias: lol same here
littlemissfielder: Dick everyday for breakfast, lunch and dinner lmao
wisdom bias: o! that sounds great
littlemissfielder: and you don't even have to ask!
wisdom bias: and everybody knows to leave u alone
littlemissfielder: exactly
littlemissfielder: and he'll do whatever you want; if you want him to be rough he'll be rough, soft you get soft!
wisdom bias: ooooooo lucky bitch
littlemissfielder: lol. I would be the happiest person alive if that happened to me
wisdom bias: who r u tellin
littlemissfielder: which probably won't lol
wisdom bias: it will one day
littlemissfielder: And he's not a bitch who complains about having to go to work
littlemissfielder: lol "work"
wisdom bias: who said they had to work?
littlemissfielder: lmao
littlemissfielder: ok true
wisdom bias: just put on the handcuffs
wisdom bias:
littlemissfielder: lol. strip and we're good
wisdom bias: just lay back
littlemissfielder: scream if you want to, but no one will hear lol
wisdom bias: lol got those boy balls in his mouth
littlemissfielder: lol.
littlemissfielder: A man who is willing to have a 3sum with a nother man
littlemissfielder:
wisdom bias: lol i almost got that
wisdom bias: but u right
littlemissfielder: whattcha you mean you almost got that? K has said no
wisdom bias: we have to agree and the guy and there dicks cant touch
littlemissfielder: wow lucky man
wisdom bias: like makin out with the guy is a no for him
littlemissfielder: lol.
littlemissfielder: good luck in finding the guy
wisdom bias: lol im not lookin
littlemissfielder: lol. I mean in general
wisdom bias: he only said that cause i wanted to try it
wisdom bias: lol
littlemissfielder: lol
littlemissfielder: I may get lucky one of these days
wisdom bias: not anytime soon lol
littlemissfielder: clearly
wisdom bias: hehe
wisdom bias: y dont u just give me the shopping spree
littlemissfielder: why? I have no options
littlemissfielder: and I want to win
littlemissfielder: I can last w/o dick...
littlemissfielder:
wisdom bias: lol im sure u can
littlemissfielder: for those months anyway
wisdom bias: lol what made u set the date so far off
littlemissfielder: idk, didn't seem like a challenge if it wasn't
littlemissfielder: and I know I can do it
littlemissfielder: I've gone 24 days so far without a bet so I'll be able to do it
wisdom bias: lol but the dick wasnt acting right
wisdom bias: ?
littlemissfielder: i know, I might as well do the bet b/c I've technically been forced w/o sex anyway
littlemissfielder: yea?
wisdom bias: forced?
littlemissfielder: he wasn't acting right or putting out
wisdom bias: um if i visit do i have to be nice to B
wisdom bias: o
wisdom bias: cause i dont like him
littlemissfielder: i'm starting to wonder who does like him lol
wisdom bias: damn
littlemissfielder: lol and you don't have to be nice to him
wisdom bias: ok can i be mean
littlemissfielder: well I am so...
wisdom bias: really?
wisdom bias: u slap him call him a itch
littlemissfielder: lol. I have my sarcastic comments
wisdom bias: *bitch
littlemissfielder: We were talking about getting married and I said something about how unsatisfied his wife will becaue she'll be starving for affection.
wisdom bias: good one!
littlemissfielder: she really will
littlemissfielder: I would cheat !
wisdom bias: i agree
wisdom bias: u hit up the clinic
littlemissfielder: for?
wisdom bias: check up
littlemissfielder: no, not exactly
wisdom bias: then go
littlemissfielder: ok
wisdom bias: i mean it i want to see some papers
littlemissfielder: ok, do you ha ve papers?
wisdom bias: yeah i got a damn bill
littlemissfielder: ok I'll get checked
littlemissfielder: but if you do visit, physical violence is kind of a no-no. lol
wisdom bias: r u doin ur hw still
littlemissfielder: nope
wisdom bias: Y!
littlemissfielder: scratch that
littlemissfielder: you can beat him up
wisdom bias: ok ok what about verbal abuse
wisdom bias: oh ok
littlemissfielder: definately that's what I use, sarcastically and on the sly
wisdom bias: then imma show him a condom and yell at him to learn to have a reason to use them lol
littlemissfielder: lol. I still have the condoms in his room
littlemissfielder: haven't been in there in sooooooo long
littlemissfielder: lol
wisdom bias: oh he needs his ass whomped!
wisdom bias: a good beating!
littlemissfielder: lol. What would your verbal abuse be?
wisdom bias: hey bitch
wisdom bias: so wheres ur dick
wisdom bias: do u have balls
littlemissfielder:
wisdom bias: if a female had to choose between u or me she pick me cause i would at least ggive her some affection
littlemissfielder: yes, once a month would be more than him
wisdom bias: there may be some cuss words
littlemissfielder: I'm sorry but it is soooooooooooo sad that you get laid more than me, in fact CYmone gets more than me
wisdom bias: it is! a fuck buddy that doesnt fuck u is not right
littlemissfielder: not right at all, it's against the fuck buddy code! He should be arrested!
wisdom bias:
littlemissfielder: "B, you are convicted of not fucking, come out with your hands up!"
littlemissfielder: and pants down
littlemissfielder: lol
wisdom bias:
wisdom bias:
wisdom bias:
littlemissfielder: tears?
wisdom bias: of luaghter
littlemissfielder: lol
littlemissfielder: He should be arrested for real though
littlemissfielder: Who the fuck does that?
wisdom bias: idk!
wisdom bias: its free sex that u know is safe
littlemissfielder: Says it's the best pussy he's ever had and ADMITS it yet doesn't come back. AMAZING how stupid he is
wisdom bias: IT REALLY IS
littlemissfielder: I know what it is though
littlemissfielder: I'm too much for him
littlemissfielder: too much woman, I actually HAVE needs.
wisdom bias: lol cant handle the ride
wisdom bias: lol
littlemissfielder: Hilarious, i wouldn't recommend him to even my worst enemy
wisdom bias: did he even say why he just stopped
littlemissfielder: NO, he a ctually doesn't know i've cut him off.
littlemissfielder: that's how dense he is
wisdom bias: woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow
wisdom bias: hes gay
littlemissfielder: His biggest problem in bed that he gets tired too easily. I can dog his ass so much and I have not yet!
wisdom bias: damn how long does he last
wisdom bias: *did
littlemissfielder: One round and he is exhausted!
wisdom bias: wow it a good long one round
littlemissfielder: sleep for God knows how many hours after too
littlemissfielder: 20 mins
wisdom bias: lol
wisdom bias: OH HELL NO! I THOUHT IT WAS AB HOUR OR SOMETHIN
littlemissfielder: HECK NAH
littlemissfielder: The 4 times we've had sex might add too and hour and half
wisdom bias: he is a dude with a dick but cant use it right
wisdom bias: GOTDAMN
littlemissfielder: Can't use it long or often enough
littlemissfielder: lol and not that creative either
littlemissfielder: I have to suggest everyhint
littlemissfielder: *everything
wisdom bias: lol u were confused about who had more experiance
littlemissfielder: LOLO
littlemissfielder: *lol
littlemissfielder: I know right!
littlemissfielder: Insane how sad that is
wisdom bias: should have down graded back to oral
littlemissfielder: Never again
littlemissfielder: lol
wisdom bias: thats y he liked it some much hes no good in bed
littlemissfielder: I don't understand his mentality at all. I must ask
littlemissfielder: "B, what is wrong with you?"
wisdom bias: hw wouldnt know
wisdom bias: *he
littlemissfielder: "Are you gay?"
littlemissfielder: "Stupid?"
wisdom bias: i truly think he is
littlemissfielder: "Just ignorant?"
littlemissfielder: I can't even get over the fact that he wants every attractive girl in the world, but doesn't realize that he could be with me, but noooooooo he lives in a fantasy land!
wisdom bias: yeah i dont get that
littlemissfielder: lol. No way he could a threesome
littlemissfielder: Lol. I would die laughing
wisdom bias: lol thats sad
littlemissfielder: The girls would be like, nvm man, just nvm
littlemissfielder: just leave!
wisdom bias: burn!
littlemissfielder: It's his own fault. It is so funny how you won't say a man's sexual problem until they piss you off
wisdom bias: lol it is
littlemissfielder: just hilarious
wisdom bias: all men r
littlemissfielder: I know. I would loooooooooooooooove to know what he would say about me if he was mad
littlemissfielder: " She was tooooo good in bed!"
littlemissfielder: "That wa s her problem"
littlemissfielder: "She wanted sex, from me of all people!"
wisdom bias: "she was too needy wanted sex all the time"
littlemissfielder: "She bought the condoms and was on BC, never would there be a pregnany!"
wisdom bias:
littlemissfielder: "She was a freak, you know I can't handle them! I need a submissive lays just on her back woman!"
wisdom bias: u should say this to him one day
littlemissfielder: I'll have a fucking book
littlemissfielder: lol
wisdom bias: ha! i give it to the poor soul thats dating him
wisdom bias: lol
littlemissfielder: indeed
littlemissfielder: It will be titled "reasons to not mess with this mf"
wisdom bias: oh shit!
littlemissfielder: 'Keep it in your pants, at least wait till a girl comes along, they are more worth it!"
wisdom bias: shell break up with him just of the title
wisdom bias: ur in showing D
littlemissfielder: it is!
littlemissfielder: It wouldn't be here if I was getting laid like I'm supossed too
littlemissfielder: lol
wisdom bias: so true lame ass mf
littlemissfielder: Lame ass indeed
littlemissfielder: I'm actually copying and pasting the things we said on my online journal so I can remmeber them
wisdom bias: lmao make the book!
littlemissfielder: They will be said, TRUST.
wisdom bias: good!
littlemissfielder: He plays himself sometimes! I'm like don't do or I'll snap.
wisdom bias: i bet his friends look at him like he crazy too lol
littlemissfielder: lol
littlemissfielder: Today he said something about would I sleep with this hot asian chick
littlemissfielder: I was thinking, I'm sure she's better than what you doing
littlemissfielder: SOMETHING
wisdom bias: y do u talk to him
littlemissfielder: math purposes actually
littlemissfielder: but there will be a talk before break
littlemissfielder: lol
wisdom bias: lol sucker!
wisdom bias: opps he is
wisdom bias: *oops
littlemissfielder: lol I should have book of all the guys I've been with so I know what to avoid
littlemissfielder: but he'll prbably fill half the book!
wisdom bias: honey he is to the book
littlemissfielder: the entire book dedicated to him
wisdom bias: "what not be do when u get a female"
littlemissfielder: LOL!
littlemissfielder: "Don't think she doesn't have needs,"
littlemissfielder: "Don't think she won't diss your ass"
wisdom bias: lol
littlemissfielder: "Just say YES to everything and you'll be fine"
wisdom bias: his dick is not worth the time
littlemissfielder: that is called "NWID= Not worth it dick
littlemissfielder: we'll have a dictioaary
littlemissfielder: *dictionary
wisdom bias: lol
littlemissfielder: Put it on urban dictionary or something
wisdom bias: damn the mf didnt fuck with the wrong girl
wisdom bias: lol
littlemissfielder: lol
littlemissfielder: Amazing
littlemissfielder: I'm still getting over some of it
wisdom bias: i dont blame u
littlemissfielder: Now he knew before we had sex that I had needs or he decides that AFTER sex he wants to stop?
littlemissfielder: woah
littlemissfielder:
wisdom bias: ?
littlemissfielder: time out to him
wisdom bias: ok
littlemissfielder: lol and he admitted that people who start doing want it all the time
littlemissfielder: and guess when he said that?
littlemissfielder: 24 days ago!
wisdom bias: wow
littlemissfielder: amazing
wisdom bias: idiot
littlemissfielder: yes indeed this talk will be had
littlemissfielder: and it shall get me answers
littlemissfielder: but he'll probably say IDK
littlemissfielder:
wisdom bias: the littlr bitch
littlemissfielder: or say, you didn't ask for sex
wisdom bias: *little
littlemissfielder: which he has said!
wisdom bias: WTF!
littlemissfielder: asking is not my style
littlemissfielder: "Would you mind if we had sex tonight"
littlemissfielder: lol that is so wrong
littlemissfielder: "Would it be ok if we did it today?"
wisdom bias: that shit is off to me
littlemissfielder:
littlemissfielder: Amazing
wisdom bias: like seriouly ask him if he is gay
littlemissfielder: I will indeeed
wisdom bias: not joking
littlemissfielder: I'm not either
littlemissfielder: I've been serious for a while
littlemissfielder: he really did say that
wisdom bias: the way he acts aboout sex is not like a stright guy
littlemissfielder: and I really did ask
littlemissfielder: the way he asks abotu sex is not a guy at all
littlemissfielder: it's a chick!
littlemissfielder: a girl in disguise
wisdom bias: lol u could dominate
littlemissfielder: a married woman would say some shit like that
littlemissfielder: There is no asking, there is demanding
littlemissfielder: lol
wisdom bias: exactly!
littlemissfielder: Cancelled plans to hang with friends who do nothing AMAZING
wisdom bias: no weed strip club just hang
littlemissfielder: It is all so amazing to me! This won't happen again
littlemissfielder: lol
littlemissfielder: Learned my lesson
littlemissfielder: What to avoid- the Chronicles!
wisdom bias: lol
littlemissfielder: lol. it's really hilarious
littlemissfielder: wait till i tlak to him
wisdom bias: make sure to have a camra
littlemissfielder: lol pictures too
littlemissfielder: Evidence of the species "DUMBASS"
wisdom bias: a human male
wisdom bias: sounds right
littlemissfielder: yes
wisdom bias: ok D
littlemissfielder: you going to bed?
wisdom bias: the B bashes is fun but im sleepy
littlemissfielder: ok I understand
wisdom bias: and its 3
littlemissfielder: nighty night
wisdom bias: night
wisdom bias: we will bash him later!
wisdom bias: the pussy
littlemissfielder: it's too much fun
wisdom bias: it really is
wisdom bias: u have class 2ma?
littlemissfielder: at 3:30
wisdom bias: lucky
littlemissfielder: you?
wisdom bias: 1230
wisdom bias: lol
littlemissfielder: ok then
littlemissfielder: night night dear
wisdom bias:
littlemissfielder:

Week Before Finals, but I'm not even thinking about them.

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 04:11:40 GMT

It's funny how it doesn't take me long to move on from the past. About 2 weeks I was tripping over that guy and now I don't even think about him. But it's his own fault. He kicked himself out of my memory and I have to dig to find him again. Out of sight, out of a mind isn't a joke. I was mad that I couldn't get laid like I wanted to, but now I realize that it's for the best. I find comfort in knowing that my period will always be on time and that there shouldn't be any STDs. I'm glad we only did it 4 times now. I know what sex is like now, so the whole mystery thing is over. I want it, just like I did before, but not from him or anyone else that I know for that matter, which is a good thing. I still find him sexually appealing from close, but to actually do something with him is hard to imagine now. I find that hilarious. It's amazing how many guys I went through this year, that's why I made the bet with Wisdom that I will remain single until March 16th and maybe even longer. It's not a hard thing to do and shall benefit me in a lot of ways. For starters, it will encourage me to go slower with guys and get to know them a little bit better before being intimate with them. Secondly, I can concentrate much more on my studies now and not worry about pregnancies. The next man I have should be a guy I acutally wanna keep; meaning we get along and so forth. And hopefully a freak, cause I won't stick around long if he isn't. lol
The main reason I'm glad things ended with B is because he doesn't deserve me because he is so damn dense. I don't know what his problem is and I don't really care. I moved on to something more exciting and it doesn't even break the rules. It's fun, but twosomes are still kinda better if you find the right girl or guy.

Totally Bruised Ego

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 00:28:37 GMT

I don't know why this always seems to happen to me, but when I get with a guy he always finds some way to let me down or piss me off! Of course Brandon would rather go to some comedy club then spend "time" with me. I was freaking mad that I cancelled the whole night. He always does that and it makes me feel even more insecure around him then I already am. I know I'm not the girl's he has had in the past, but does he have to make it so fucking obvious?! No wonder girl's trip out on him. I feel like my self-esteem dropped 10 points in that one minute he told me he wanted us to do later. I wouldn't do that to him. He makes me feel like I'm a charity chase and that everything we do is cause he feels sorry for me. I want him to want me, but maybe that's asking for too much. The last thing I wanted to be was alone tonight, but here I am all alone with nobody wan ting to spend even regular time with me. It sucks.
He even had the nerve to say wait up for him and I was like forget that! I did think about it this time and decided to actually put my pride first for a change. He can see me tomorrow in class and maybe after on the walk home and that'll be it. Makes me so mad when boys are soo fucking unreliable. ITS RIDUCULOUS. That bastard has it coming, he is on probation. I'm so tired of pushing my pride out of the way to get some, this time he's gonna ask for it and I'll say no. See if he like that!

Last Night

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 13:03:00 GMT

Last night was pretty intense night for alot of reasons and I'm not sure if it was good or bad.

Last night me and JP broke up. We are still friends, infact we are friends with attatchment, lol. This means that we aren't boyfriend/girlfriend for the moment, but there is still hope about us getting back together. I honestly don't know how I feel about it. I'm not sad, but I'm not jumping up and down with glee. I guess I feel neutral about it and I think that's how everyone feels when they break up with someone. All of a sudden you remember the good times you had with them and almost question why things didn't work out better than they did. I believe that's a natural reaction. I feel slightly more alone, but that's isn't exactly a bad thing. Me and him are still friends, but I don't know to what extent I can talk to him now. Honestly, we haven't been talking that much for the last week and ironically I signed us up for that romantic partner study just yesterday. I'm starting to wonder if I should postponed that break up till next week or just played it out. Well, it's too late and I don't have regrets.

Another thing happened last night that was before this fiasco. Me and Wisdom were talking and she got upset about my readiness for sex. She believes I'm not ready and I guess I'm not. It's not the physical or even much of the mental that questions my readiness. I don't understand myself sometimes. It's like I want to have sex, but yet not quite fully ready to. She told me not to wake up the next morning and question whether it was right or not and I know she's right. I'm not sure why I'm so eager, maybe it's just my body talking to me. Another thing I'm not fully sure about is whether it should be with B. I mean, I don't love him that's actually obvious, but part of me is wondering does that ever matter anymore. That's what I originally wanted, a partner that I am in love, but I questions my patience for it. That's probably the biggest problem I have in my life: patience. Am I easy? A little bit, but not wholey. I've looked at the past relationships I've had and I know I rushed the physical aspects in all 4 of them. The first one with Lloyd, however, was different because that affection spread out over the course of 3 years, but the other 3 didn't come into effect till this year, infact withing the last 4 months. JP told me around the time we started going out that he was worried about me and sex. That guys could smell it on me, which creeped me out a little. I don't doubt his theory, but truth be told, nobody really has hit on me since I've been here; but I understand what he's saying.

My biggest fear is not losing my virginity to the wrong guy, but letting sexual urges control everything! This friends with benefits is working great with B, but does that mean I'm ready for sex? I hate not knowing! I don't understand why I wish to be ready either, that's just pushing the easiness I'm trying to avoid. I guess I don't know how to play hard to get, in the sexual way. JP says I played hard to get as a girlfriend, but as a sex partner it wasn't much of a challenge. Sometimes I wish I wasn't a girl b/c of the whole double standard thing. A guy can have as much sex as he wants with as many girls as he wants and he gets praise. IF a women did this, she's considered a slut and so forth. What's wrong with me wanting a sexual relationship or to just have sex in general. IDK. I wonder why a woman's virignity matters much more than a mans. JP is the only guy I know who believes both are equal and both sexes should value that.

You know, I was almost, ALMOST tempted to tell him that I've been cheating on him. I know that would have been extremely stupid, but for some reason I had a slight urge to. I don't want him to ever find out about that, but I think part of me wanted to see what he would do. I'm not a drama queen or a big one, so IDK why any part of me would desire to see that. If I told him what I've been doing that would have been the end of our friendship and any chance of us getting back together. Do I think that we can get back together? When the month or so is over and re-evaluate our relationship, I think if he wants to I'll say yes. I do sort of miss him. It's weird to not ha ve a boyfriend all of a sudden. I feel pretty regular about it to be honest. I do feel lonier, but I'll get over it. It was like when me and J were having problems and it's funny how I ever let him get to me and make me cry. I never will forget those moments or the ones with JP. Part the reason I didn't want a break up was because he has been so good to me and I've done nothing to deserve it. I wish we broke up in person now then on the phone so I could see his face and maybe change my mind. Part of me felt like we had to do it last night or we never would. If he loves me like he says, which I still don't really believe, he'll want us to get back together. I feel sad that I can't return his feelings. It's so damn ironic that once I find a guy that is sweet and kind, loves for me( unconditionally?) and my heart just doesn't want to let him in. Why can't I see him as more than just a friend or a best friend? Kissing him doesn't arouse me or anything intimate like that. I will always love cuddling in bed, can't say no to that. In fact I wish I could do that right now. I want to love him or at least have a crush on him, I believe he deserves that. Maybe I havent given it enough time and things will turn around. For all I know, by October I could be in love with him. lol. They do say you want the things you can't have. I wonder if he would even take me back. But I'm not going to worry about it because we are in chill mode. Anything can happen. We aren't broken up for forever.

I don't really consider B to be my boyfriend #2 even though he is. lol. I love the fact that it's so easy to be normal around him when we are in public and yet intimate when we are not. That's the balance I was hoping for and it's much easier than I thought. My only problem is the sex part and whether or not we are gonna do it. I know I can't satisfy him and I've tried, so I'm assuming that's the only way to. I need to stop thinking with my groin and more with my head in these relationships. I know I've been doing JP wrong and I'm uncertain if getting back together with him is even a good thing considering how dishonest I've been. I don't regret my actions or even want to take them back, write now I'm just looking at the future decisions and if they are good ones. Sigh, I hate not knowing.

I regularly question whether I even deserve the things I want in life. Do I even deserve a man to love me? Do I deserve a sexual relationship that also has love in it or do I always have to choose one or the other. I wonder if my impatience and lust will be my downfall and I never want that to happen yet I'm doing acts that aren't helping me at all. JP was helping with that but I ignored it and went my own path anyway. I'm a horrible girlfriend. I'm tempted to text him that I'm sorry for not being happy when I know that would solve all of our problems. Maybe I will.

It only takes a day..

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 18:57:28 GMT

I swear that it only takes a day for you to realize how much you miss school. I can't wait to leave tomorrow just because they have all worked my nerves. I should've and would've stayed at UGA if I didn't have things to do back here; like take my bike for example. The moment my mom opened her big mouth about how I shouldn't take my bike to school, my dad like always dropped everything and agreed with her. It's so fucking annoying! He has no opinion of his own when it comes to her. He was fine with me taking it until mom said something. Now I have a wasted birthday present; I should have gotten something more valuable or at least something I could take me to school.

Problems already...How long will it last?

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 03:54:04 GMT

Me and Jp have been seeing each other for about 3 weeks now and I must say that we do have a big problem in our relationship already; the sexual benefits. There is probably a better term for what I mean, but I can't think of it at the moment. He's so pure or just much purer than me. It does annoy sometimes that I can't have the sexual pleasure that I so desire, but I am getting through. To be honest, I'm not even that tempted to cheat as one might think. I guess it's more of a mental desire than a physical desire. I don't want to physically cheat, but I do think about it if I did.

Family...uhhhhhhhhhh.

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 22:46:59 GMT

I am so ready to leave that it's not even funny. My family seems to get more annoying to me everyday. It's like they can't wait till I leave by showing how much they can annoy me. Oh well, I think it's suppossed to be that way. Nothing really exciting has happened recently, but I got vacation to look forward to. It should be fun going to Hilton Head again, I guess. I can't wait till my birthday is over so I can get my license. Honestly, I'm not that excited about my actual birthday coming, just really it going. I'm ready to drive and see J. I need to start making a list of all the things i'll need for college.
By now, the news of Mj's death has worn off me alittle. It took some time, but I did eventually accept it. I'm not happy about it, but the tears have finally dried. MJ died on June 25th, which was about 10 days ago. I finally accepting his death by the 28th, 3 days later. Shocked was my first reaction to his death, and later denial and even some tear eyes came. Even I was surprised that I reacted that way. His death has left such a huge impact on the world that 12 people have commited suicide in his honor. That's horrible. THere is no way anyone could top MJ's fame and adoration from his fans. He was on levels no one could ever reach. Now that he is in his grave, he can finally rest in peace from the media and mockery that he recieved for years. The sad thing besides his death is how all this time he was trying to fit it, but failed. His looks and molestation charges were no help to him being normal. Oh well. Life has to move on.
His death made me wonder about my death and when I die. WHen I die, i hope people beyond family and friends and coworkers remember me for something great. Just like MJ>

Premarital Sex

Sat, 16 May 2009 16:24:26 GMT

For the past 24 hours, i've been thinking of the pros and cons of premarital sex, mainly the religious sense. Yesterday

Prom 2009

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 05:08:13 GMT

Today was prom day and it was fun!! I liked it alot. I ate, drank and even danced. I realized that prom really is no fun unless you dance. I mean, when you think about it, that's all it is about; getting your freak on, on the dance floor. And Ashely got her freak on the most, in fact it really was me and her who danced. Gara did some occaisionally, and Renee/Kyerra were in line standing for pictures. I did some unappropriate dancing, I will admit but I don't regret it. In fact, I know I'll do some more in college. It felt liberating and dirty and I liked it. I wouldn't do it often, but I'll do it. I danced on Kyri once and I liked it, not him neccessarily, but it. He might blab his mouth about it to Jared and everyone he knows, but who gives a fuck? People right infront of me were doing it worse and plus, who listens to him anyway? We are graduating in a month and nobody cares about that bullshit. I don't give a damn and he shouldnt either. The thing is, I don't know who I would chosen if I did choose. Lloyd would be my 1st option but also my only, so it really didn't matter. It felt nice to get some of the freak out of me.
Imma post pictures on Facebook or here of the prom stuff I took and I should get all the other stuff from Gara, Kyerra and the rest of them. One thing I realized is that prom happens only once and you should remember it, regardless of what you did. I think Renee wishes he had more fun, but I don't. I think it was about as good as it was gonna get!!

UGA visit

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 03:04:50 GMT

So today was my first visit to UGA. It was fun. I had a terrible allergy cold today which took alot of energy out of me, but I still had a good time. I saw a good amount of the campus and got an idea on the dorm rooms. The Co-ed ones we saw sucked, but hopefully that girl was right and the Church ones were better. I really liked the school and the woman said there are two lare pools and some other stuff to keep people busy. The food is pretty much unlimited if you get a meal plan which is awesome. I guess the tour was good, I had to admit at Georgia State they gave a better tour and sold me on all the things you can do but UGA is clearly better.

In 2 weeks I should be going back for that minority weekend thing, which is gonna be fun. I want to see the campus more and get a feel of things. It was cold up there today and there was even some snow, which was riduculous considering that is damn April! We had New York size pizza afterwards which was good. I didn't take pictures, but I will!

Coolness

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 23:12:19 GMT

UGA!

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 02:26:33 GMT

Writer's Block: Things You Don't Want to Know

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 18:49:28 GMT

If you knew that a friend's significant other was cheating on him or her, would you tell your friend the truth or keep it to yourself?

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The Freak List

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 00:16:16 GMT

For the past few weeks I was thinking to myself what the freak list would be. That means what does it take to make you a sexual freak? Let's find out. This is the list of bases in a setailed format

1) Kissing-French
2) Touching the arms and legs
3) Caressing the breasts
4) Anything that involves making out and touching the private parts at the same time
5) Caressing the breasts but she lets you feel the skin.(hand up shirt)
6) Taking the shirt off and/or bra off while kissing
7) Kissing nipples and that form of foreplay
8) Penetration through clothes of either sex
9) Feeling the sex with bare hands/penetration but clothes are still on
10) The sex is exposed and penetration occurs
11) Oral sex
12) By this point: all the way is unavoidable
OK, that was the bases list. I can't think of anymore than that, and I've done all of that but the last one. lol
Here is the list that makes you a freak for sure. Forms of sex
1) Obviously: The Missionary Position
2) Oral Sex
3)Anal Sex
4) Public Sex
5) Roleplay
6) Whips/Handcuffs
7) Chains and harsh confinement toys
8) Dominatrix
9) Kama Sutra

Some others might be pornos for additional pleasure to ones sex life, but on the other hand they aren't that special.

Two days ago, I was looking up the Kama Sutra positions and they were pretty interesting. One of my firs thoughts was when does a person have time in their life to have such wild sex? Certianly not a married women with kids. Probably not a married person in general. lol. I concluded that the only people who probably who spend all this energy in their sex life and not in their job or kids, is probably two single people who are fuck-buddies. When you think about it, that's kinda sad. Anycase, I was looking at the positions and alot of them were pretty arkward, but I think I would try all of them at least once. lol.

Writer's Block: Really, Truly

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 23:53:43 GMT

Do you believe in true love? What about love at first sight?

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I do believe in true love but not love at first sight. I think true love exists in the sense when you fall in love with someone and could never imagine being with someone else. Once you find that person, you never want to let them go. i believe in soul mates because I have one of my own. Even though we are not together at this time, I know we will be back together soon enough because we are meant to be together. True love means more than just finding someone you are compatible with, it's the real thing. I don't believe love is what you find first, but lust. You can have a crush at first sight and love them later, but not all at once.

Writer's Block: It's the Little Things

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 18:06:16 GMT

What's a little thing you do every day that brightens the lives of those around you?

Storyies(yea I know I dpelled my name wrong)

Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:07:02 GMT

Today I woke up to this weird dream that had me creeped out for at least 10 minutes. I usually don't remember nothing about my dreams when I wake, but this one kinda stuck with me. The dream had this focus on a women(well, me) getting abused, but first she was kidnapped. She was kidnapped by like her college professor or some male she knew and he reped her. The whole scenerio seemed to revolve on her parents not believing that she was kidnapped; they believe that she ran away and that was not their concern...... NO se!
Forget that story, let me tell you my new story. I decided to draft at story reflecting the life of a 17 year old pregnant girl and how she copes with it. I want to write it in a series of 10 months, the 1st month of her haiving sex and her relationship with her boyfriend. The only problem with this story is that I don't know the pregnancy patterns that well and now I will have to look them up. Amazingly I figured my main character's name: Haven. I don't have a list of characters or even last names, but that's ok. I just came up with it today and I might work on it tonight. In my orange notebook I have a start up on it. The title of the story is " The Story of my Life in 10 months or less" I don't want that title necessarily, but it's a start. I like something around those lines. I want the story to be set as if it's a diary and each month will say Month 3 or Month 4, maybe not by literal months. I don't know, but I like it so far. I'm not sure if I want her to have a good relationship with her baby daddy.....

Let it snow, let is snow, let it snow.

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 21:20:02 GMT

Great green beans, it is snowing today! It's been snowing for hours too and I know there will be no escuela tomorrow! HA!
Before I get to in detail about the snow, I would like to point out than my mom is in one of her disliking her eldest daughter moods. Ever since yesterday( maybe Friday), I've been on my mom's bad side mainly cause I called Corinne dumb and she's been a bitch about it ever since. Of course, I didn't mean it literally, I really meant that she was acting dumb and she probably knew that but told my mom anyway. Today, I said she was a loser for throwing snow balls at me in the house, but my parentals were not happy about me at all. My mom lectured me, which is nothing new, about how nobody told me I was a loser and whatnot when I ws younger. The fact of the matter is that nobody paid enough attention to me when I was younger to even notice/care/think/feel that I was a loser anywaty; plus the fact that I was an only child and people telling me those things would have done it out of spite, not of irritation. Anycase, I don't give a FUCK about what she thinks anyway because most of her thoughts are biased, or old-fashioned.(which is kind of the same thing! I don't trip over my mom anymore cause you usually just have to accept how people are; you can't change them. I was looking at some fine ass locs today and it occurred to me that my mother probably won't think my husband is attractive cause he will most certainly have some form of natural hair going on!

On a brighter note, I saw Slumdog Millionaire and Madea Goes to Jail, which were both good. I had to see Slumdog Millionaire cause it won the award for best picture at the Oscar's and so it had to be good. And it was! I really liked it, but I would say that should have won the award for best made film and not best movie cause how everything was put together as a whole was amazing; the music, scenery, actors, realism and all that good stuff was awesome. But the story line in itself was a little predictable at the end, but I guess that is ok. Madea Goes to Jail was everything I expected it to be, so nothing new there. lol

Writer's Block: If Animals Could Talk

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 21:09:03 GMT

If you could ask your pet any question (and they could answer you), what would it be?

Submitted By frisinator

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Georgia State University: MY synopsis.

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 02:55:59 GMT

Today I went to visit Georgia State and I had fun! lol. I learned alot about the school that I had no idea about till today.
My synopsis:
Classrooms: Didn't see them.
Restuarants: They had Burger king and something called "Panther pizza" lol. And some other things, but I'm not worrying about that too much. I can cook.
Facilities: AMAZING! Besides the recreational stuff( which I will get to in a minute) they had a Radio station and if I could work in there that would be awesome!
Recreational stuff: GREAT! I never thought they would have so many different things to do! They had a swimming pool(which was like 12 ft at the deepest and another pools for kiddies), Pool tables, some tvs(not a room or anything, but they were there), A Gym place with lots of equipment, super nice for gym freaks. Apparently they have a track and rooms for aerobics classes, but we didn't see those. A movie theatre for different types of movies, which seemed interesting. All of that stuff is free too if you are a student!
Connections: Besides the interships, the Panther card has ALOT of usage. You can use it almost anywhere! For food, entertainment, but not for books or GSU stuff.
Dorms: NICE. Freshman get new ones so that is awersome! Nice size too.
Library: Looked pretty cool from what I saw of it. They have two large ones called the north and the south libraries. Pretty neat.

My dad didn't seem to happy when I got home. Talk about a party pooper. He says when he gets back we'll talk about why he doesn't think that I should go a Atlanta school.

Day of Winter Break

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 20:56:19 GMT

Today was an interesting day. Today was 2 days before V-day and since there is no school tomorrow, everyone was technically celebrating today. I sent out the V card thingies again and it was fun.
Today we had an Omowale test dand everybody was like we should skip it. For the first time with them I agree, cause his shit is ridiculous. lol. We all went to the office and waited for Ms. Finney but she was generally pissed off for us trying to skip a class to talk to her. I knew it would not have worked, but that's ok. Emily was not down for the cause and literally ran to class; according to Tonia. I believe her on that. I'm sure Emily got a pass and went to class while we were waiting for Ms Finney and Ms. Baynes. It was hilarious! Tonia and Mia were pissed off, but everyone else was doing alright. Surprisingly, George was alreadly there before anyone else, but he as forgiven cause he's George, I guess.

Writer's Block: Regime Change

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 17:49:43 GMT

Today marks the inauguration of Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States. Obama's campaign was built around a message of change. What changes would you most like to see in the next 4 years?

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I'm Lonely....

Thu, 15 Jan 2009 01:40:02 GMT

My life kinda sucks, but the worst thing about it is that I'm lonely. And that makes me unhappy. It's true what they say about success and happiness. Those are two different things and you have to have them both to feel good about yourself; at least on a regular basis. I guess this has all to do with missing Lloyd. I haven't talked to him in I believe, a week. However, the conversation was interesting. He was talking about getting back together and as much as that thrills me inside, I know it won't happen right now. I want him back in my life, but sometimes I wonder if that is a good thing.Don't get me wrong, he lights up my life and gives it some meaning. But I'm afraid that I might be attached to him all my life without knowing what it is like to be with someone else. I don't want those regrets. He had a chance to date someone else and it didn't work. I want to know what's it like to even see a guy in a romantic light again.
It's all my fault why me and him aren't together and i accepted that; but it sucks. Last week, for the first time in forever, he admitted that he still loves me and misses me. He just refuses to sneak or even creep with me anymore. I understand what's he saying, he wants a open, honest, monogamous relationship. I want us to have that. For some reason I've been having fantasies that involve me making him jealous with some other guy who's crazy about me; proving that I'm not over Lloyd. I know in my heart that we are meant to be together simply becauseI can't ever picture myself with anyone else. I want to marry him and make love to him and nobody else can have that right. I have to give that much credit. I never met a guy who was so secure about waiting till marriage for intimacy; that's incredible in my opinion. I love him for that.

Things I love Lloyd for....
Being the sweetest guy on earth
Crazy as hell for loving me
His honesty
His loyalty
That hair and body(lol)
Sexiness inside and out
His gentleness
The way he kisses
His hands and "special" talents
His eagerness to be with me
His voice
The way he looks at me
Respectful in all senses
We can talk for hours
And there are more I'm sure, but I gotta get to this damn homework. I just hope that he can wait for me for a little longer.

How many more days till I graduate?

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 21:59:23 GMT

You know what I realized today? That's not school or the activites or the wrok I have to do that makes me want to graduate now and go to college campus. It's my mom. She's been "acting" like a super bitch for days on end, generally in my direction. I'm tired of it. Oh, well. I won't really her or anybody else for that matter when I go off to college. I can't wait till everything is over, no joke. I'm alittle tired of Mock Trial and every other club I have to do. I'm ready to hit the road. All i hear, when I am at home, is my sister and mom argue about pretty much everything. Such losers. It's over the same old bullshit. Worse than when me and Corinne argue because they do it on a regualr day to day, if not hour to hour basis. If I thought my mom was mad at me for anything, it's the phone thing. Now we, well they have a rule that I can't use my phone for anything except an emergency. Which kinda sucks, cause I don't think I can text anymore. UH!!! Another reason that I want to leave.
On a more interesting note, I'm almost done reading Petals on the Wind. It's gotten intense at this point and I can't wait to read Garden of Shadows and There will be Thorns. I still have Twilight to read, which is an OKAY book. The reason why I say OKAY is cause it's not as good as you might think with all the hype. I haven't seen the movie yet, I'll wait later. I hope it's not tooooooo corny or predictable. lol. I love the fanics for the book though. lol They are quite good.
I might have forgotten to mention yesterday the calender my mom wants me to make. It's kinda dumb. But I guess she thinks the world is in my hands and I can dictate everything I do. In fact, I'm not the leader in anything. Oh well, it's almost over.

I think it's about time I make a list of the reasons why I want to leave this house and my family for college. Let's see if I can create it. lol